anxiety

Anxiety is like the most crippling, overwhelming, exhausting and frustrating thing to experience.

It consumes all of your time, emotions and energy.

Sometimes it’s sickening, other times it’s just there – in the back of your mind, but still THERE nonetheless.

I’ve had it for honestly as long as I can remember. I remember when I was in early elementary school, my bestie used to come over for supper every Tuesday ( spaghetti & Caesar salads with a bowl of shredded cheddar cheese was our FAV ) before we had to rush to dance practice & I would have to say “my grandparents are on the phone for me” and I’d disappear downstairs for a few minutes.

It wasn’t my grandparents on the phone.

It was actually a local children’s hospital’s therapist who would talk to me. She’d ask me about my week. I’d do activities over the phone. I’d fill out my journal and then I’d go upstairs, eat my spaghetti and go to dance practice without letting on what I had just done.

After my weekly phone sessions ended, I still talked to them every so often. I was constantly monitored by my parents and grandparents alike & my teachers would keep tabs on me ( thankfully my teachers were my mom’s BFF’s – so it made it a little easier to confide in them or answer their questions ).

I don’t know where it came from, I don’t know why it continues to affect me, but it does.

Since I was younger, I’d say I’ve maintained my anxiety pretty well but sometimes it overtakes me and it’s hard to live life.

I’m not saying that I spend days in bed, ignoring everyone and barely eating or anything like that, but I’m more likely to say ‘no’ to an activity that most times I’d say ‘yes’ to.

I turn to more home-based things, or doing activities at familiar locations & I almost always spend my time with people I love.

I don’t like being alone. I don’t like the unfamiliar or the unknown. I don’t like situations in which I don’t know what the outcome will be.

Mostly, I can guess when my anxiety is going to hit me hard – the beginning of school, new season at work ( new kids, new parents, new programs ), TRAVELING ( so annoying ) and other things that are the beginning of something or something totally new.

I know that the first few weeks before school starts are going to be rough & I know that it will pass, so I just power my way through and know that it ends. I know that for those few weeks, I just need to try to do activities that I’m comfortable with and surround myself with people I love because it helps.

Talking to my friends and family, repeating mantras and meditating help, too.

Plus I like to have a creative way to express myself and that’s partly why I started this blog.

Having a place to completely devote my energy and mind to is something that I’ve always loved.

I used to write stories ( in grade six alone, I wrote a novel that was over 200 pages long ) and I also used to colour a lot.

Something  that can totally take over my mind and I can give my all to creatively is such a good outlet for my anxiety. <<<< for sure the reason as to why my blog posts went from 0-100 in August. I needed something to do & I knew that blogging was a safe, creative and happy thing to focus on.

I’ve never really been a huge fan of taking pills. I know it works for some people & they swear by it, but I just can’t do it.

My personal choice for dealing with anxiety is being creative, surrounding myself with people I love, eating healthy and focusing on making my mind & body healthy as well through things like meditation, mantras, yoga and working out.

I find that when I am consistently on a workout sched. my anxiety decreases.

I also can tell when I’ve had a lot of bad shit to eat because my anxiety heightens.

Guys, it’s unreal what eating healthy & exercising can impact.

I used to be HUGE into running, like even when I was younger and nobody was running or really cared about exercising. My mom always says that as soon as I started running, I stopped walking and it’s so true. I used to run home every day, I used to run up & down my driveway and I remember running on my grandparents treadmill every day that I went to visit them ( which was a lot ).

Now it’s honestly harder to find time to workout because even though a run may only take 30 min., you still have to shower and get ready for the day which does take up a ton of time. But I am tired of that being an excuse.

I’m determined to get back into running & yoga ASAP.

Religiously.

Constantly.

Forever.

I’m tired of having a cloudy mind, an anxious mind and an unhappy mind.

Finding little things that can turn your mood around, clear your head and benefit your health in MULTIPLE ways is so key if you suffer from anxiety, depression, anything like that.

OK, off to eat a salad & then meditate.

I need it right now.

Anyone else have anxiety? How do you guys deal? Leave me your tips plz & thx.

xx JE

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