let’s talk about the future | blogmas day 12

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‘Tis the season for Christmas parties and family time, getting together with friends you don’t see often and family coming to town that you may not see except once or twice a year.

And said friends and family asking you a million and one questions at said parties and get togethers. And getting really annoyed when the future becomes the topic of conversation and you can’t escape it.

Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely loooove seeing friends and families and having get togethers / parties and whatnot, but along with seeing everyone comes people asking you a ton of questions about your life’s plans. Questions that may drive you insane. Questions that you may or may not know the answer to. Questions that you may or may not want to share the answer to, if you know. Questions that freak you out and you like to refrain from thinking about.

My most hated question in the whole entire world is “what are your plans for the future?” or something along the lines of that…

“Do you have any immediate plans for work or school?”…

“What are you doing with your life?”…

“Have any idea of what you want to do in the next few years?”…

These are a few that come to mind that make me want to snap.

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I don’t know why these questions in particular drive me insane. There are a lot of things that bother me, but people who I don’t associate with a lot, asking me an extremely personal question AKA what the f I want to do with the rest of my life, really grinds my gears.

Maybe it’s because I honestly have no idea what I want to do with my life.

Maybe it’s because I am a typically shy, quiet, keep-to-myself person who doesn’t like to divulge in my personal life with people who I feel will judge me.

Maybe it’s because it’s normal to get pissed about this particular question.

I reallllly don’t know. But I cannot deal with answering this question a million times.

The other day I ran into an old family friend and she asked me what I was doing now that I had graduated. I said I was back to school and I could see it in her face that she wanted to know more.

So I went through my speech.

“Yes, I know I graduated last year. Yes, I KNOW I said I’d never go back to school. Yes, I KNOW YOU THINK I’M CRAZY. But I am back to school. To get 4 credits. To take teaching, hopefully starting in September. And BY THE WAY, YES I FREAKIN’ KNOW that’s an additional 2 more years of school. And no, I don’t want to be a teacher. I just want to be a high school guidance counsellor. Yes, I know it’s crazy and everyone hates high school aged kids but I don’t. AND YUP, it’s crazy that you need an education degree to be a guidance counsellor when you already have a degree in sociology/criminology & psychology. But yes, that’s where I’m at right now… in this very moment, but it’ll probably change in like, ooohhhh less than a month.”

*cue sweet smile, holding back a nervous breakdown and wanting to fight her for asking me*

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While writing out that little speech ( that yes, I actually say to every single person that I run in to and ask me a million questions ), I realized that maybe, just maybe, I hate that question because I am a hot damn mess.

But I really don’t feel like I owe anyone an explanation as to what I’m doing with my life. Because it’s my life and if I’m happy, who the hell cares what people think? If I’m doing what I love and figuring out my life on my own, then I really don’t see a problem.

Another example of me being a hot damn mess and not being able to answer a question about my life… The other day I was at a meeting for a committee that I’m on, and everyone had to go around the table and introduce themself and say where they worked / what they did / etc., you know, the normal BS that you have to say in an introduction.

“I’m so and so, and I’m the community liason police officer for the high schools.”

“I work for the youth centre at the library in partnership with the high schools.”

“I run the Boys and Girls Club.”

“I’m a member of the community health board, but my specialty is in teen health and I’m a psychologist.”

I said “I’m Julieann and I float around”. Yes. I literally said “I float around”.

It was way easier than saying “I’m Julieann and I’ve been a part of this committee since I was a high school facilitator. I’m an occasional special needs worker in schools, but I also do lunch programs if they need a substitute. As well, I teach dance to kids, run a youth volunteer program and a youth drop-in program, while sometimes substituting at the Boys and Girls Club, and volunteering in schools all. the. freakin. time., meanwhile daydreaming that I was writing blog posts and taking fashion pictures and trying out new beauty products.”

See, floating around is MUCH easier.

And I feel like I am OK with floating around and being a hot damn mess.

It’s everyone else that has a problem with it.

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I was never someone who had their life planned out. Hell, I applied to university in MAY of my last year of high school, like literally a month before I graduated. And I applied to a random program that I thought looked cool but really had no interest in / had no damn clue what it really was.

My mom always said that I would be her “roamer” and I guess that’s what I am. I just prefer the word “floater” because it sounds cuter, whatever.

I feel as though everyone expects us to have our lives figured out at such young ages, when in reality, we should just be living. You have to apply for university at like age 17 or you decide not to, and that ultimately dictates what you’re going to do for like the next 40 or so years of your damn life.

How the hell am I supposed to decide what I want to do when I’m 53, at age 17? I couldn’t even decide on a prom dress that I was literally going to wear for 1 night… why are we expected to decide our futures?

Basically what I’m trying to get at is I’m tired of everyone asking me what my plans for the future are. I can’t even tell you what I’m going to do tomorrow, so I REALLY don’t know. Stop looking at me with your judging eyes and trying to give me advice for my future. I DON’T NEED IT.

I’m ultimately going to do whatever the hell I want and whatever I CHOOSE to do, whenever I happen to make those decisions.

So let’s just all drink way too much hot chocolate, eat too many sugar cookies and slip in to a turkey coma and leave the deep conversations about the future for, ummm, never.

xx j

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