Today has completely wiped me out.
It really doesn’t help that the cramps from hell have hit, I got a flu shot last night and literally cannot lift my arm past like my bellybutton ( it hurts so bad ) and we’re getting home renos done and they’re so f’in loud.
Like loud loud… taking off a brick chimney is NO JOKE.
But all that whining aside, I think the overall cause of my emotional drain is school.
School this year is all types of weird.
During my undergrad degree, it was all fun & games. Seriously. I enjoyed going to school ( I KNOW… who enjoys school? But seriously, all my friends were there, there was comfy chairs, good study spaces, GF food, a nice up-to-date gym, & tons more. That place felt like home… ), I was always out with friends, had so much energy and the school work was minimal.
There wasn’t really that much pressure either.
I mean, ya, I was determined to graduate in four years even though I switched degrees and changed my mind a million times, so some semesters were a heavy course load of 6-7 courses… but it was still, overall, easy.
Care-free. No pressure. Limited stress.
This program that I’m in now is INTENSE. Like I obviously knew that there would be more pressure, the program would be a little more serious and it wouldn’t be all fun & games, but I never could have imagined that it would require this much time and energy.
It’s a huge commitment.
I know it’ll all pay off in the end, but wheewwww I am exhausted just thinking about the next ~2 years.
Lesson plans, unit plans, research papers ( WHY!? ), a million little things that all add up and take up so much time.
My to-do list is n e v e r ending.
It’s fun stuff ( for the most part – who really likes research papers?! ) but it’s so overwhelming.
I’ve also been dealing with the most intense anxiety that I’ve had in a while. I’m sure that it’s been triggered because of school, and it’s so not fun.
I guess that lately, my days have been consumed by worrying.
& worrying is not so fun.
My mom’s most favourite quote is:
worrying is like a rocking chair. it will give you something to do, but it will get you nowhere.
And that just about sums up my current state of being.
Worrying is definitely giving me something to do, but I’m really not getting anything out of it.
The lesson plans won’t write themselves, but honestly, it’s really not that hard to do. The research paper won’t research itself, but honestly, it’s really not that hard to do.
All of the things that I’m worrying about are so silly.
I have this bad habit of making everything seem way worse than it really is.
For example, my school workload. If I stopped sitting and worrying about it & overthinking it all of the time, I could use that time to actually work on it and I’d be ahead of the game.
So I’m trying to curb the worry, stop the overthinking and look at things on a smaller scale. I don’t need to worry about ALL of the work that I have left to do this semester, instead I can focus on what’s due over the course of the next few days ( or week ) and not think about it. Just do it.
I’m really hoping that this will lift my mood and elevate my spirits because honestly, being this emotionally drained is exhausting.
Anyone else a constant worrier & over-thinker? How do you just stop and breathe, and tackle things level-headedly? It’s hard work…
Be back tomorrow with something more light-hearted and less whiney, promise.
PS – shout out to Daniel for these pictures. They just radiate fall vibes & I love his artistic photography skills. Teach me your ways.